'I HAVE HAD A DEEPER AND MORE ENRICHING EDUCATION FROM RAINY EVENINGS AT THEIR HOME THAN I EVER EXPERIENCED FROM THE TEXTBOOKS OF A FORMAL INSTITUTION’.
THESE ARE MY LOOSE OBSERVATIONS AND ROUGHLY COLLATED EXPERIENCES OF BEING A GUEST IN THE HOME OF THE AL MHAMA FAMILY FOR OVER TWO YEARS. I DID AN INTERVIEW WITH THE FAMILY THAT YOU CAN FIND HERE.
HOW IT ALL STARTED
(A SHORT EXERT FROM MY FIRST BLOG)
I’VE ALWAYS SPENT LONG EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME IN MY HOMETOWN SINCE HIGH SCHOOL HOWEVER WITH THE ONSET OF COVID, I PACKED A SCHOOL SIZED BACKPACK AND MOVED BACK IN WITH MY PARENTS. I THEN MET A WONDERFUL BOY DOING A SURF CHECK ONE MORNING AND NOW WE GROW PUMPKINS TOGETHER AND MAKE JAM FROM THE FRUIT WE PICK. AND IT FEELS WONDERFUL. BUT I WORKED FROM A FOUR-WALL BEDROOM AND WANTED TO FEEL MORE INVOLVED IN MY HOME. I SOUGHT OUT A SMALL NOT FOR PROFIT THAT SET UP AFTER SCHOOL ENGLISH READING HELP FOR REFUGEE KIDS FROM A LOCAL PRIMARY SCHOOL. AND SO… I MET THE AL MHAMA FAMILY. AND THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING.
IT BEGAN SHEEPISHLY AT FIRST. WE’D SHYLY FLIP THROUGH THE PAGES OF WHERE’S WALLY AND SCIENCE EXPERIMENT BOOKS. THEN MY MUM WOULD COME AND HELP WITH WRITING…AND THEN MY YOUNGER BROTHER. THEN MY PARTNER BECAME INVOLVED. WE’D ALWAYS COME HOME WITH FRESH BREAD IN HAND. WE’D MEET THE FAMILY AT KFC (THE ONLY ‘WESTERN FOOD’ THE KIDS LIKE). MY PARTNER SHOWS THE BOYS EXERCISES TO GET STRONG LEGS FOR SOCCER AND WE GO SURFING DOWN THE BEACH. THE KIDS [TRY] TO TEACH US KURDISH FOR MY PARTNER TO USE AT HIS JOB IN THE EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT. AND IN AN INCREDIBLE MOMENT, I’VE NEVER SEEN A 40-YEAR-OLD MAN’S FACE LIGHT UP LIKE IT DID WHEN DESCRIBING THE EXPERIENCE OF SPEAKING KURDISH TO A PATIENT AND THE MOMENTARY RELEASE OF ANXIETY FROM THE MAN’S FACE. AND I KNEW THAT THE TRYING READING AFTERNOONS AND SHY ALPHABET WRITING WERE ALL WORTH IT.
TWO YEARS ON WE ARE NOW ATTENDING PRIMARY SCHOOL DANCE CONCERTS AND SPEND SUMMER AFTERNOONS EATING BARBECUED MEATS WITH OUR HANDS AND DRINKING IRAQI TEA CROSSED LEGGED ON THE FLOOR. I’VE BEEN TAUGHT ABOUT THE GEOGRAPHY OF IRAQ, WHAT DAY TO DAY LIFE IS LIKE, AND SPOKEN TO HANDFULS OF EXCITED RELATIVES ON FACETIME. WE STILL CANNOT WHOLLY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHERS’ LANGUAGE BUT IT DOESN’T SEEM TO MATTER. AND YET, IT HASN’T ALWAYS FELT EASY. AT TIMES I FELT LIKE GIVING UP. THE BOYS DIDN’T WANT TO READ OR LEARN. THEY ASKED SEEMINGLY ABRUPT AND BLUNT QUESTIONS. THEY KNEW WHENEVER I CAME IT MEANT WORK. BUT WE PERSISTED AND WOULD HAVE SESSIONS PUNCTUATED WITH PLAY AND CHATTED. THE BOYS, NOW IN HIGH SCHOOL, ASK FOR READING HELP. WHEN ARE WE COMING BACK? THEY ARE BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS. THEY HAVE TO WORK SO MUCH HARDER THAN THE NATIVE ENGLISH-SPEAKING KIDS BUT NOW THEY WANT TO. SALAR WANTS TO BE AN ENGINEER. SAAMAN, AN ASTRONAUT.
SO, IT BEGAN WITH READING AND THEN IT BECAME EVIDENT HOW MUCH MORE THERE WAS. EACH WEEK I’D BE GIVEN A PILE OF LETTERS TO READ OVER. SCHOOL EXCISION NOTES. OF WHICH THE KIDS NEVER COULD AFFORD TO ATTEND. VACCINATION CONFUSION. CALLS TO THE LOCAL SWIMMING POOL OVER BILLING CHALLENGES. CENTRELINK PORTAL PAYMENTS AND GOVERNMENT VOUCHERS EXPLAINED. OR WHAT HAPPENS NOW THAT THE HOUSE THEY ARE RENTING IS FOR SALE. WHEN THE CENSUS ARRIVED, WE SAT DOWN FOR HOURS TRYING TO INTERPRET QUESTIONS AND FIND THE WORDS TO EXPLAIN WHY THE GOVERNMENT WANTED ALL THIS PERSONAL INFORMATION. YOU CAN TRANSLATE IT INTO ARABIC BUT IT DOESN’T TRANSLATE CONCEPTS. WHAT DOES ‘PRIMARY SCHOOL’ MEAN AS OPPOSED TO ‘HIGH SCHOOL’ AND WHAT DOES THIS TRANSLATE BACK INTO YOUR OWN COUNTRY AND CONTEXT? IT DOESN’T TRANSLATE THAT SENDING REFUGEES TO TAFE TO LEARN ENGLISH IN TWO CLASSES A WEEK IS NOT ONLY THAT THEY MUST LEARN ENGLISH BUT OFTEN LEARN TO READ AND WRITE IN ANY LANGUAGE FOR THE FIRST TIME.
THEN, TO WITNESS THE ROLES OF THE MOTHER AND FATHER FLIPPED. THEY WERE THE GATEKEEPERS AND KNOWLEDGE HOLDERS OF THEIR FAMILY. THEY HELPED THEIR CHILDREN INTERPRET THE WORLD. AND NOW, OUTSIDE OF THEIR TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT, THEY RELY ON A 6-YEAR-OLD TO INTERPRET THE WORLD AND READ IT BACK TO THEM. AN IMMENSE PRESSURE FOR A CHILD TO NEED TO UNDERSTAND GOVERNMENT BUREAUCRATIC PROCESSES OR ACT AS A CRUCIAL INTERPRETER AS THEIR FATHER SITS AFRAID AND SICK IN A CT SCANNER. IT HAS BEEN A JOY TO WATCH SLOWLY, THE FAMILY REGAIN A NATURAL BALANCE. EACH WEEK, A NEW ENGLISH PHRASE PRACTICED ON US BY THE PARENTS, A NEW JOB OPPORTUNITY ARISEN.
THIS IS A FAMILY THAT HAS FLED TERRORIST GROUPS, GENOCIDES AND HAD THEIR HOME DEMOLISHED BY A BOMB. YET, THEIR CAPACITY FOR LOVE IS UNWAVERING. WE ARE ALWAYS GIVEN FRESHLY BAKED BREAD TO TAKE HOME AFTER A VISIT. WHEN RUNNING INTO THE GRANDMOTHER AFTER HER SHOPPING TRIP SHE OFFERS ME A CHOCOLATE BAR IN AN ACT OF KINDNESS. THEY PRAYED FOR MY GRANDMOTHER’S SOUL AFTER HER PASSING AND DOUBTLESSLY CHECK IN WHEN I HAVE BEEN AWAY. I HAVE HAD A DEEPER AND MORE ENRICHING EDUCATION FROM RAINY EVENINGS AT THEIR HOME THAN I EVER EXPERIENCED FROM THE TEXTBOOKS OF A FORMAL INSTITUTION.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
I’VE RECEIVED AN EDUCATION THROUGH BOILED SHEEP AND SPICED FISH. ALAIN DE BOTTON, SWISS PHILOSOPHER, SEES THAT ‘OUR MODERN LACK OF A PROPER SENSE OF COMMUNITY IS IMPORTANTLY REFLECTED IN THE WAY WE EAT’. HOW MANY UNIVERSITY STUDENTS ARE EATING DINNER IN BEDROOMS ALONE TONIGHT? HOW MANY SANDWICHES-OF-CONVENIENCE ARE SCUFFED INTO MOUTHS ON THE TUBE WHILE THE CONSUMER WATCHES IN ENVY THE MORNING SKIN CARE ROUTINE OF AN ONLINE TWENTY-YEAR-OLD. RECENTLY, IN LONDON THE DRASTIC VOLUME OF PLASTIC PREPACKAGED WRAPS AND TAKE AWAY STORES THAT CRAMP EVERY TRAIN STATION, I FOUND OVERWHELMING. ONCE IN A WHILE THIS IS NOT ALL BAD, BUT THE FREQUENCY THIS OCCURS IS A SADDENING SYMPTOM OF MODERNITY. I’VE LEARNED FROM THIS FAMILY AN ETIQUETTE OF EATING UNKNOWN. SILENCE IS THE MAIN SOUND. TOGETHERNESS, THE MAIN SENTIMENT. LIKE DE BOTTON SAYS, ‘SITTING DOWN AT A TABLE WITH A GROUP OF STRANGERS HAS THE INCOMPARABLE AND ODD BENEFIT OF MAKING IT A LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT TO DISLIKE THEM WITH IMPUNITY’.
XENOS AND SMILING AT CLOUDS ΞΈΝΟΣ THE WORD ‘XENOS’/ ‘XENIA’, COMING FROM THE ANCIENT GREEK LANGUAGE, IS THE CONCEPT OF ‘GUEST-FRIENDSHIP’ SHOWN THROUGH HOSPITALITY AND GENEROSITY TO TRAVELERS AND STRANGERS IN NEED. IT PLAYS A KEY PART OF HOMER’S ODYSSEY. THE ANCIENT GREEKS BELIEVED THAT THE GODS WALKED AND MINGLED AMONGST THEM SO THEY ALWAYS TREATED STRANGERS WITH HOSPITALITY AS THEY CAN BE GODDESS OR GOD IN DISGUISE. AMONG OTHER THINGS, ZEUS WAS THE GOD OF HOSPITALITY AND PROTECTOR OF GUESTS. ODIN, THE NORSE GOD OFTEN TRAVELED DISGUISED AMONG HUMANS AND WAS MET WITH EQUAL KINDNESS. AS SOMEONE WHO HAS PAID A HUGE AMOUNTS TO KNOW ALOT ABOUT OLD, SEEMINGLY ARCANE FACTS, I FIND IT SO INTERESTINGLY IRONIC THAT THIS CONCEPT, NOW FORMS THE ROOT OF OUR WORD, ‘XENOPHOBIA’. A FEAR THAT IS PERMEATING OUR GLOBAL COMMUNITY.
AND AMONGST THIS ALL, I SEEK MUCH OF MY GUIDANCE FROM THE WISDOM OF THICH NHAT HANH, A SMALL-STATURED VIETNAMESE BUUDHIST MONK DISPLACED BY THE VIETNAM WAR. SPENDING TIME IN HIS MONASTERY HAS DEEPLY CHALLENGED AND ENLIGHTENED WHO I AM AND HOW I DRINK MY TEA. HE SAYS THAT ‘WE NEED TO ESTABLISH A COMMUNITY AT HOME. [BUT CRITICALLY] WE NEED TO EXPAND OUR DEFINITION OF FAMILY TO INCLUDE NOT ONLY OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY BUT TO INCLUDE OUR NEIGHBOURS, OUR COMMUNITY AND THE SKY, THE TREES, THE BIRDS AND THE HILLS AROUND US’. OUR TEACHING CANNOT BE DONE BY TALKING ALONE BUT IN HOW WE LIVE OUR LIVES. IN SWEETENED TEA DRUNK IN THE FADING AFTERNOON LIGHT AND BASIC KURDISH (KURMUNJI) LESSONS DELIVERED BY AN 8-YEAR-OLD, THIS FAMILY HAS GIFTED US WITH A CULTURE AND KNOWLEDGE DISTANT TO OUR OWN. THEIR HOSPITALITY, GENUINITY AND GENEROSITY IS UNMATCHED BY ANYTHING I HAVE EXPERIENCED BEFORE. THEY HAVE ADDED INTENSE JOY TO OUR WORLD AND SHIFTED ME OFF OUR SEEMINGLY ACCUSTOMED SELF-FOCUSED AXES.
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